Childhood Trauma

Veroniquita with Rabbit, Bogota 1953_500


Edoardo calls it the baby game

i think it’s because Uncle Mickey calls me baby

but when he goes to fly the planes Edoardo bothers me

when nobody is watching he whispers baby baby

and i get scared and run away from him

i never go through the kitchen or el patio

i am not allowed to because the servants live there

it really started because of me

because of that day the box came during breakfast

Edoardo brought it into the dining room

de los Estados Unidos he said to La Abuela

i know that is the name of where i lived before

and Abuela told him to open it

so he cut the paper and string with the big scissors

and then right there on the table he put the little box

that said Crayola Crayons and the coloring book

i know it was Mommy inside that box

but Abuela said ahora no

she put the Crayola Crayon box and the coloring book

on top of the book case

so i would have to wait

and i was sad but i didn’t cry

Abuela really hates it

so when everybody was asleep i cried in the big bed

i really wanted the Crayola Crayons

and the coloring book

and Mommy

and all of a sudden Edoardo was there

right by my bed in the dark

he took the blankets off

and took my hand and said baby baby

and then we walked down the cold white stairs

and i was scared because it was so quiet and so dark

and we walked into the dining room and then

Edoardo reached way up on top of the book case

and got the box of Crayola Crayons

and the coloring book

and gave them to me and i held them in my hands

and then we walked through el patio into a small room

that had a funny bed on the floor with no legs

much smaller than my big bed upstairs

and Edoardo laid me down on the funny bed

and took down my pajama pants

and took down his pants

and then he laid down on top of me

and i couldn’t see anymore or breathe

but after a while i got to open the box of crayons

and pick any page in the coloring book

we play the baby game a lot

i make sure i stay inside the lines when i color

so i will have nice pictures to give to Mommy

if i ever see her again

–from Tesoro, Chapter 3